Tag Archives: animals

A Battle with Jabba the Cat at 4am

I really love our cat. She is a sweet little thing… And by little, I mean, enormously huge.

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No. Really. She is FAT.

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Poor thing. She’s acquired the name Jabba the Cat because she frequently lays down like this:

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Hey! Don’t look at me like that! Girlfriend got fat from binge eating at the neighbors. When she was young, she liked to howl at night and, thus, her fanny was placed outside. It wasn’t an attention thing or a I-need-something thing. I just think its her thing. Most cats have a “thing.”  All the cat owners know what I’m talkin’ about.

Howling is her thing.

This is unfortunate for her, because any parent will tell you that there are certain times of the day/night when no one better breathe heavy, much less make actual noise. Violating quiet hours comes with severe punishment.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids actually sleep really well with noise happening – Mostly because Tex and Bear are boys…

but there are certain times that noise will cut my break time short: the hour or so before they normally wake up in the morning, twenty or thirty minutes before nap time should end or 4am for some reason…

4am… At 4am not too many nights ago, my normally friendly feline, decided she no longer wanted to live.

She started howling.

Sometimes I can call her to our room and she’ll quiet down….. Nope. No luck.

Then the baby started crying.

Sometimes I will feed Jabba if she wakes me up, but Peaches was crying and I couldn’t afford to let her carry on and possibly wake the boys.

I started feeding my sweet girl, settled in for a nice snuggle with her when….

Howl?

….

HOWL!!

She’s getting closer and I hear Bear stir around in his bed.

Internally: AHHHHHHHHH! Shut it you doofy cat!!!

Snuggle over.

With baby in my arms I >gingerly< charged down the hall; attempting not to stir Peaches too much (I had all intention of putting her back in her bed promptly after feeding her), and chased the little Jabba back to the living room.

As an aside, it is hilarious to watch a really fat cat run. I mean, really. It’s like watching an accordian scurry away from you.

Once we were in the living room, the beast just looks at me like,

Why you so mad??

I petted the beast with my foot and sat on the sofa to finish feeding Peaches. I took her back to her bed and, thankfully, she went back to sleep. However, I hadn’t been in her room for more than a few seconds when….

HOOoOoOooOOooOOWLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

The baby stirred. The boys whimpered.

The cat would die.

I ran back after her. She saw me in the hall and darted for the kitchen.

HOWL! HOWL! HOWL!!!

She then promptly laid down on the ground, on her back no less, as if to say,

Perhaps if I play dead the crazy person won’t kill me.

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But I’m no dummy.

Once I caught up to her, I put my hands on her mouth to silence her. She complied and I waited and I listened.

Silence.

More silence.

Good. Everyone was still asleep. I took a tremendously deep breath to try and restrain myself and then ofcourse she looks at my like,

Why you so mad???

And all I can do is scratch her gobby fat belly. I fed the little wretch and headed back to bed.

As I laid there trying to calm myself enough to go back to sleep, Buttons (her actual name), creeps into our room very quietly, jumps up on our bed, and curls up in the crook of my leg.

And, I think I am going crazy, because I can hear her….

Jabba the Cat

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