If you have children, you know, they are sweet, precious, adorable little evil-geniuses.
One minute you’re laughing it up, playing chase down the hallway and then you turn the corner and step on twenty blunt-knives-of-doom (also known as legos….) “Look, mom! Now it’s an obstacle course!”
Sure, they smile innocently, but part of me KNOWS they are playing their hand close to the vest. They know way more than they let on, because then when something happens you aren’t sure. “Were they just playing? Or are they toying with me…”
They lure you into a sense of safety with their adorableness and then BAM!
Thus began this warm , summer Saturday morning. We were in the backyard. Tex and Bear were playing in the pool while Peaches and I were chillin’ on the porch in the shade. Everything was lovely. They boys were laughing it up. Splashing. Happy. What a perfect Saturday morning.
The boys decided they’d had enough pool time and headed inside. I told them to take off their wet clothes if they were done. They slipped off their drippies and dashed inside. I picked up Peaches. Snuggled her a bit. How can you not snuggle a content baby? But then…
I saw the sliding door was closed.
Uh oh.
My very dutiful firstborn always closes and locks the door when he goes inside.
Yep. I’m locked out. It’s no big deal. I’m totally cool.
*tap*tap*tap* Let mommy in.
…………..
*tap*tap*tap* Let mommy in!
Nothing. Not a peep. Of course I then cup my eyes up to the glass and realize my little munchkins are nowhere in sight.
*knock*knock*knock* Boys? Boys!
This is fruitless. I then called the hubs who was at a shoot, but of course he couldn’t answer his phone. He was at a shoot. Taking cellphone calls in the middle of filming people is generally frowned upon. Ok. My wheels are tunring now. I’m not going to panic. I just need to get inside.
As I start considering people I could try to call to help me get into the house, episodes of Leverage that might help me unlock the door or things around me to break the glass, I see Tex round the corner in the hallway. Yes! Finally!
>Smiling< *KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK* Hey! Let mommy in! Open the door!
He looks at me so excited and sweet. Of course he’s smiling so big! I tap on the glass again and point at the lock. Tex then proceeds to cock his head to the side, smile again, and turn to run back down the hall!
>Frowning< *BANG*BANG*BANG* LET MOMMY IN RIGHT NOW!!
That’s when the thoughts really started rolling in.
Where was the little one?
What are they doing?
What has the big one done with the little one?
LET MOMMY IN RIGHT NOW!!!
I had been thrown in the brig. The children had taken over the house and weren’t going to relinquish control. I could just see them in my head running around the house in their underpants, waving flags shouting, “Vive la revolution!”
Thankfully, at that point both of the little boogers rounded the corner again. BUT LOOK! They’ve found food. How nice. Each of them had a handful of pancake in each hand with a halo of crumbs around their mouth. That was the only part of them that had a halo….
Alright. Enough of this foolishness. I was gonna pull out the big guns now. The Mommy Face. That’s right. The I’m-serious-don’t-mess-with-me-or-you-know-what’s-coming face. All mommies have one, and this was the time to use it.
Open the door for mommy.
(pause for effect)
Now.
……..
WHAT? Somehow they still have the nerve to be smiling at me, but now they start jumping up and down in delight. Bear smiles at me with a mouth full of pancake and exclaims, “Can-Cake!” How is he still being adorable in the middle of a revolution? No! I will not give in to the cuteness!
Boys! Let mommy in NOW! Unlock the door and LET MOMMY IN!
“OoOoOoOoh! You wanted in? Sure!” This was the face Tex made as he reached up and unlatched the sliding door. Non-chalant. Totally cool. Still smiling. But of course, I scolded him for locking me out at all.
Do not lock the door if mommy is outside! That’s very dangerous! It’s not safe!
And then he made just the saddest little frown and I thought, “Oh, maybe he didn’t realize what he had done.” So, with no actual punishment, I sent him off.
Go play.
And there it was. Just for a split second. His frown blinked a wry smile and I SWEAR, under his breath I heard the faintest…
Vive la revolution!
The Laughing Platypus 